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Location : London, England.
I was born in the Chinese Year of the Ox and I'm strong. Even the word 'strength' or 'power' is in my Chinese name. For those of you born in the Year of the Ox, you might not know but this strength is in you too :-
Mine is the stabilizing force that perpetuates the cycle of life.
I stand immobile against the test of adversity, resolute and unimpeachable.
I seek to serve integrity, to bear the burdens of righteousness.
I abide the laws of nature patiently pushing the wheel of Fate.
Thus, I shall weave my destiny.
I am the Ox.
Stolen from Chinese Astrology Essences,
translated from traditional poems of the Chinese Animal Years.
Ironically, I'm feeling pretty weak at the moment! I have contemplated returning to Malaysia or Asia many times. To lose the madness. Life was a lot simpler back there. Here, I am dealing with a very difficult situation of being jobless in the 3rd most expensive city in the world and a broken soul. I will rise again of course but sometimes matters of the heart take a long time to heal because you always wonder about what could've been. It's all in my head, I keep thinking about it over and over again. If it did happen and it sucked, then that would be a lot easier to forget only because I took that step and I fell. I have always been the decision maker so I've always had an answer because I ALWAYS try. If you never try, you never know. I'm a go-getter and when the decision is made, I make sure they work. But this time, I am not the one in control and I am left wondering forever about...what could've been. How can anyone live not knowing how it could've been? Only those who are lazy, scared or not ambitious. Why do they have to let it linger...? I hate being in this situation and the reason I'm in this state of mind.
I'm starting to see more friends now because it's impossible to handle the mental agony on my own. Tomorrow I'm going snowboarding at one of UK's many dry slopes in East London. That's the kinda guy I used to be. Gotta keep it real.
Maybe I don't want to forget or lose hope because it was...real.
Posted by Ripcord at June 25, 2005 11:24 PMHi Ed! How are you geting along in London?Hope you are well.....wish you all the luck to find a F**king job soon!!
Posted by: marj at June 26, 2005 10:40 AMHey man,hope u get a job soon. Ask Suchen to help u get a job. Email me if u want his email.Have u checked out the world cup 2006 match prices yet?
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Dear.. I know exactly how you feel right now as I am almost in the same situation as you are right now. And sometimes, I do really wish that I can just get myself an air ticket and fly back home for good. sighs.. It is really very hard to fight that feeling and until now, I am still battling with it. Sometimes I just wish that I can go back to the time when I was still at school and dont really have to worried about anything else but just school!
Anyway, stay cool and just do something to keep yourself busy so you wont be thinking too much of those unnecessary stuffs. Take care too.
Love, Julie
Posted by: Julie at June 27, 2005 12:32 AMfren...glad that you are goin to do somehting that you enjoy....
well why frown when you can be happy?
dont worry too much on jobless or expensive city...
**boat reach jetty, jetty straight**
translated directly from chinese proverb
Yeh Zbjernak is right.
**boat reach jetty, jetty straight**
Don't worry too much and happy snow boarding.
Eh bro...dont fell into the dark-side of ur self, stand at your own feet and keep going, ok ! - good luck !
Posted by: GrandPa at June 27, 2005 01:37 PMtake a break... time out with yourself. check out Bloc Party's album Silent Alarm whilst you're at it. whether sitting in a dark room alone... or pondering longingly into the distance, smokes burning to embers clasped between your fingers...
we all fall bro. the important thing to remember is to get back up. if this chic has really left such a huge gapping abyss in your being, it might be worth pursuing? haven't seen a chic do anything like this to you before. out of the billions of chics in the world, if you're a traditionalist - you'll only get to marry one. most of us spend ourselves wandering,.. searching but never finding.
or worse yet. marrying someone but still longing. and searching... if you click with this chic... swallow the pride and maybe for once in your life, change your priorities..? the irony is, the chic for us is usually the one who knows how to hold us by our gonads(as much as we don't like the feeling) because they understand us so well that - they can.
cheer up bro... don't take life too seriously, we don't make it out alive anyway.
Posted by: grim at June 27, 2005 10:53 PMhullo there fellow wanderlust, I googled for this working holiday visa thingy and (to my pleasant surprise) there's a blogger on that visa but ( to my utmost horror) they suspended it INDEFITELY (wtfwtf???!!) omg,..they're so..tsk..kia si.
Don't feel weak!! You gotta have a riot there on behalf of the rest of us who are still drooling after that darned "application approved" seal.
'when you reach the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on' - err..Roosevelt I think...not sure.
all the best.
Posted by: reka at June 28, 2005 03:41 AMeh fucker .. don't be pondan! get with it.
for those that don't know what a pondan is. Its a malaysian term for a fag/ poof or possibly a transy. ( no offence taken to any transgendered or misc.)
Posted by: aL at June 28, 2005 12:46 PMmarj : not doing too good but thanks for checking.
addy : how do i check it?
julie : the problem is there is nothing to do!
reka : i even wasted 6 months of the visa because i dreaded coming back. would've given you the 6 months if i could. =)
aL : can't help it bro...
Posted by: Ripcord at June 29, 2005 08:30 PM